MY STORY
Growing up many of us become aware of our talents and strengths, the things that in some way make us unique. For a long time I struggled to realize what that was for me, and thought maybe there was nothing special about me. I then came to realize that the thing I was good at was a subtler talent – talking to people. Though I was not particularly extroverted, I was able to easily empathize with others and make genuine connections.
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During undergrad, I got an opportunity to do an internship working in a prison. I loved working with incarcerated individuals and this experience set the course for a huge and meaningful part of my professional life. It also inspired me to get a Master’s degree in Forensic Psychology. During these years I worked in the community with individuals with substance abuse issues and disabilities. I discovered more passions, and didn’t realize at the time how connected they would later become.
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After grad school I got a position working at a facility that prepared people for transitioning from prison into the community. After a few years my partner and I had to move to a new state. It was then that I worked on an Assertive Community Treatment (ACT) Team. For those of you who aren’t familiar, it’s like the Navy SEALs of community mental health. Anything and everything your client needs – you’re there. In their home, their community – you are IN it. Though I had gotten a little taste of it before, this was the first time I got a serious feel of what it is really like working in an intense, high stress, burnout environment. Boundaries were not an option, so after I had my first child, I couldn’t be in that setting anymore.
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From there I went to work for the state as a behavior analyst, helping staff that worked with people with disabilities and mental illness. I didn't know it at the time, but this is where my spark for wanting to help professionals in high stress and burnout work environments would be lit. During this time I attended a training on staff self-care. The presenter discussed how clients in high risk, high burnout settings, like group homes, correctional facilities, psychiatric centers, etc., don’t generally have consistent support outside of the staff they work with: The case managers, counselors, therapists, nurses, doctors, health aids, peer support, and so forth. So when those employees get burned out and leave – clients experience significant, genuine loss. For many, this loss happens over, and over, and over.
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When I understood this, it clicked – if healthcare professionals can have better experiences and thrive – so can the clients.
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Shortly after this realization, I decided to go back to school to get my Psy.D. Those years were the start of my awakening - personally, professionally, spiritually. I had noticed in the Mental Health field there was always a limit to how far you could go working for others - financially, in terms of being innovative, making your own opportunities, and expanding. I always felt stuck playing by someone else's rules, even when this felt totally unaligned with my values, beliefs, knowledge, and insight. These environments made it seem as though there was a distinct “right” way of doing things, therefore allowing creativity was rare and minimal at best. The energy I exerted did not seem to match my paycheck or how I was valued (or rather, undervalued).
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During my Psy.D. program I had two children, worked part time as a practicum student, and as a mental health clinician. This all in addition to traveling to classes and completing assignments after the babies went to bed. I spent these years of my life unimaginably physically, mentally, and emotionally fatigued. But never spiritually – because I knew I was on a path that was meant for me and this made me hopeful. I felt like I was working for something that I loved that would allow me to have more autonomy and choices in my own life.
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During these years I worked and interned at a correctional facility with individuals with mental health and substance abuse issues. I also interned at an inpatient psychiatric center, and doing forensic psychological assessments for criminal cases. I was tired – but my soul was on fire. I also had amazing mentors that showed me what is was like to feel supported and valued in your workplace. My voice mattered. My health mattered. WHAT!? I couldn’t turn back, but I sadly realized this system only existed with these bosses and mentors. I felt ultimately at the mercy of who was supervising me and what THEY thought was important. It wasn’t in my control. During this time, I also was put in a leadership position and realized how much of my own well being and resiliency trickled down to others.
I learned that when one part of the system is unwell, it spreads, and the whole system becomes vulnerable.
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I loved working in these environments with clients, but I kept seeing the same pattern. Traumatized clients, working with traumatized staff, in traumatized systems. It is all interconnected and in these systems, where wellness and mental health is often met with shame, how can anyone work to heal?
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Working in these high risk, high stress, high trauma, high burnout environments takes a warrior. You see it all - then you see some more. And the primary factor when we all start? We want to help. Whether you’re a nurse, a therapist, a doctor, a correctional officer, a first responder – helping others gives you life and light. But over time that light tends to fade. You experience direct trauma, vicarious trauma, you’re often over worked, often don’t receive proper praise, yet you are essential – meaning it can seem harder to care for yourself or ask for what you need. These factors breed whole systems of trauma and you become addicted to the chaos. You can’t stand it – But you feel lost without it. It can be suffocating.
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So how do we thrive? By creating a culture that values healing, boundaries, and REAL self-care. I mean taking care of YOURSELF so you can take care of OTHERS.
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We need systems that support this mission. Once you experience how it feels to value yourself, it’s almost impossible to turn back. And just like illness can be contagious, so can wellness. When we are well, we amplify our environments and become conduits for change in these struggling workplace cultures. This is how the norms change – one person at a time creating whole systems of resilient professionals.
EDUCATION
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Psy.D. Candidate, Clinical Psychology
Immaculata University, Immaculata, PA
American Psychological Association - Program Approved
Master of Arts in Forensic Psychology
John Jay College of Criminal Justice, New York, NY
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Bachelor of Science in Psychology, Minor in Criminal Justice
Drexel University, Philadelphia, PA
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CERTIFICATIONS
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Certified Advanced Alcohol and Drug Counselor
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